Your wish is my command! This one hints at an OT3.
Vanya and Ianto are in the middle of a drinking contest for the ages when Ianto’s comm pings. He pauses with his tumbler halfway to his lips and clicks the link on. “Yeah?”
“It’s me,” Kaidan says in a stage whisper.
“Hey!” Ianto says brightly. “Where the hell are you? Vanya and I are-”
“He’s there? Patch him in.”
Glancing to the Russian, Ianto taps his ear. Vanya joins the link. “What?” He says without preamble.
“I need backup. Evac. Something.”
Vanya and Ianto both share looks of surprise. The Russian says, “you in trouble?”
“I’m sending you my coordinates,” Kaidan confirms tersely. “Bring lots of guns. Maybe some grenades.”
Ianto is only half worried and far more amused. “What did you get yourself into?”
“Spectre business.” Kaidan is lying. They can both tell. “Doesn’t matter. Just get your asses here. You owe me. Don’t argue. Bring guns.” The comm cuts out and both Ianto’s and Vanya’s omni-tools flash with coordinates not far from the Citadel bar they’re currently drinking dry. They down the last of their drinks, suit up, and head to the coordinates as fast as possible.
It’s an empty docking bay and the first thing they encounter is a LOT of noise. Rounding the corner, they see nothing but chaos. At least six Krogan, buck-ass nude, yelling, headbutting, destroying everything in sight as they fight each other.
Vanya and Ianto skid to a halt, taking it all in.
“They don’t look angry,” Vanya mentions. “They look like they’re celebrating.”
Ianto makes a small whining noise in the back of his throat.
Vanya shoots him a nasty look. “If this gets on social media, Kaidan will kill you in your sleep.”
He hangs his head and sweeps his hand out wide. “Then I guess this one is all you, Vanguard.”
With a murderous grin, Vanya winks and his biotics crackle. Ianto takes a step back as the frequency resonates with his own, raising the hair on the back of his neck. The Russian is a streak of light a second later, Charging into the center of the group of Krogan and blasting them all off of their feet. Storage crates and naked Krogan crashed and toppled and Ianto laughed uproariously as he filmed the whole thing.
And then he caught sight of Kaidan. Vanya was still surveying the damage and likely calling C-Sec and hadn’t yet noticed Alenko’s predicament.
Grinning, Ianto turned off his omni-tool as he approached the docking protocol computer station that Kaidan was currently crouched behind. “Hey, Major,” he said conversationally. “So uh. I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional, or… ?”
“I got caught in the crossfire,” Kaidan fumed. “Minding my own business and C-Sec calls for me to break up a drunk and disorderly. Too many Krogan to handle. Their leader says it’s some right of passage, and, one thing leads to another, and… you know what? I don’t owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me shit,” Ianto crows.
Vanya trots over, double-takes, and laughs so hard he has to use Ianto’s arm as a brace to keep himself upright. Through wheezing gasps, he manages to tell Alenko where his clothes have ended up. Kaidan stalks off, also buck ass nude, head held high.
“It’s always the good stuff I’m not allowed to post about,” Ianto laments.
Vanya shrugs. “You might as well go with this one because I’m getting the impression that neither of us is getting laid ever again.”